pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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