just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
