When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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