hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
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whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
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Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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