dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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