I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
