i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
