I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
