This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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