I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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