I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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