my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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