So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
