Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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