i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
