Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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