Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
