I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
