You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize