I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
