just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
