We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
