I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
