Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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