i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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