I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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