my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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