Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize