:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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