Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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