it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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