he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
