fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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