We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It was a blind-side dick pic.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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