He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize