i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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