i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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