so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
