They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
