***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The adults are the big ones right?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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