I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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