Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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