I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
a search helicopter?!
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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