i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
