Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
