The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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