I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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