I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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