Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
