I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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