why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
