I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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