I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
