im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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