They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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