Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
