He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
