I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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