i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
