Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Randomize
