Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
