Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
