Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
