Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I need a burrito and a hug.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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