The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
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