obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
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