I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
