i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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