i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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