At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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