Jerry, you need to find god
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
