I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
