I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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