Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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