I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
