this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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