i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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