"it" just moved
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
