TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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